#randomusings

"Marketing is much like courtship- you find out what they like, try to like what they like, and hope they'll like you back."

4am thoughts.

i woke up feeling sad. Crying. it's four in the morning and i need a hug. I know i sound selfish and egoistic and just whiny, but i miss him. I miss him before he fucking left us all to defend ourselves. I just wish he would come back, i need his physical form here.

i dreamt of him last night. or rather, this morning.

he was wearing his kakis and his brown pants. and i was screaming and crying and kicking. Reduced down to a little kid. He just stood there. i could see him, and hear him, but he only came to hold me after i'd simmered down. and the lyrics of "i wish you would" kept playing.

now that i look at it. it's been exactly two months since he left us. like as of right now.

everyone still talks about him and more so what they should get for him. i'm not over it yet i dont want to go. i want him to come back. it was way too early he didnt deserve it. kidney failure is a thing but you guys didnt even give him a chance.

i just feel like kicking and screaming but everything's been gone and done there's no way he's coming  back now. i dont know how i feel about this other than immense sadness and anger and frustration.

now i understand why fragmented thoughts come to you in the middle of the night.

Dear younger Audrey.

Dear Younger Audrey (at sec 1),

Welcome to secondary school. You might think secondary school will be a chance for you to get a brand new start, but don’t forget that all your classmates will be following you from primary school because of this wonderful thing called “affiliation”. Your past will come to haunt you, and self-esteem will be something you’ll battle. Trust me, those are the least of your problems. Throughout the four years you’ll also question your sexuality and how you view yourself and the world. You might think you’re on top of the world, but you’re actually really sheltered.

In secondary three you’ll meet the best friends you have right now. They’ll be there to support you when your world comes crashing down, and likewise you’ll be there to go for their auditions and to support them in whatever they do. Be sure to learn from them, because they’re probably the most talented people you’ll know. Don’t forget about your other friends though, because of your tendency to drop things and run away, you end up losing relationships that you could have been a part of. One more piece of advice: don’t decide on what you want to be in the future merely by passion. Also, make sure you have several back up plans. Everyone wants to be a radio deejay, but you might not have the skills to be one just yet, explore other forms of media before you decide what you want to do. All the best for your o levels, and even though you feel like giving up on additional mathematics, if you at least go for the paper, you might be pleasantly surprised.

have fun with school retard. 

best wishes,

Future Audrey 

(ps. CAN YOU SCORE BETTER FOR O LEVELS PLEASE. AND NOT SLEEP IN PHYSICS, LOSER)

My grandma used to freeze in the rain, the two of us would end up sharing blankets and pillows to keep warm.

Now, she tells me she's okay, and that I should be the one keeping warm. I kinda forget he's on an extended vacation sometimes.

Footsteps

Hi guys, 

Sorry I havent been posting much, life's been busy and well.. honestly I've just been trying to figure things out. In the months that i haven't been around, i've been roaming around, always looking down. Things like that. (Yes, that was a Kings Of Leon reference)

Anyway, recently i went to the museum of arts and science for a photography exhibition. Recently i've been a bit of a photography snob, so going for that kind of thing really helped me to discover what i liked and what i didn't (in terms of the types of pictures and stuff), and it was also pretty interesting to see into a few years of someone else's life. 

While i was walking around the exhibition though, i kept hearing footsteps. The strong, yet solid "thump thump" of new Ontisuka shoes, walking around, pausing every few seconds to stare at a portrait, compared to the soft "tap tap" of my flats, and the shuffle of kids shoes, accompanied with the sound of pram wheels on a wooden floor and the sound of high heels. 

I love wooden floors. They amplify sounds so well, be it in a guitar or a violin, or even the floors of a silent exhibition. I dont actually know why we have to keep so silent in exhibitions, it makes it harder for me to focus when there's not much sound to drown out. I couldn't help but listen out for the resounding steps of the sneakers just walking around. To be honest the exhibition was more of an auditory one than a visual one for me. I can't remember most of the portraits and pictures, but i can remember the sound of footsteps, and i can remember what was said while looking at the pictures (notably: "wow. my anaconda dont" in reference to a picture of a lady with a snake around her neck, and " man i really want a big print in my house in the future" in reference to a huge ass blurry picture of scenery )  

Maybe it's just me, and honestly, a photographer would probably scoff at me and call me "ignorant hipster scum", but i honestly loved the experience because of what i heard and not too much of what i saw. 

It made me think about how footsteps have personalities, and if we spent time to sit down and hear the sounds around us, we could find out quite a bit. The thing is, there's too many sounds in the world, ironically, so we constantly ignore them and just move on with our lives. I'd like to think i'm more curious than nosey, but i really enjoy listening to other people: their stories, their lives, and as of recently, their foot steps. 

 For example, you can tell from the sound if a couple is walking around. You hear thump thump, then you hear tap tap tap, followed by more taps, and a few more thumps. I found that really interesting. It's the same as when you hear a family walk by, especially if they're tourists. You hear high heels, or the tapping of flats, followed by the sound of little feet running around or a whines of a child who cant understand why on earth adults would drag him into a room where they have to use their "inside voices", and why they're starring at a blurry picture of a mountain and the adults are commenting on how "artistic" it looks. 

Maybe i'm just slowly going insane and just overthinking the entire thing. Footsteps shouldn't mean this much, should they? I might just giving false profound meanings to things i just pick up on. Probably an auditory learner thing. But then again, i cant really see feet the same way again, knowing that they're the doors to personalities. 

They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, but i think footsteps are where your entire being leaks out and stains wherever you walk. 

just rambling i guess. See you guys again soon. :)

Best wishes, 

Audrey. 

step photographer

weddings

(they told us not to throw it at the couple's faces or heads. But screw that)

I love weddings.

I love the idea of two people vowing to stay together for the rest of their lives, switching promises, getting rings, and declaring themselves "officially off the market". (also, declaring that they'll only have one sex partner for the rest of their lives. woah. )

Seeing these two (my uncle, and now official, aunt) get married was possibly one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Their wedding was so candid and beautiful, and i have never seen them happier than when they are together.

i've known them (as a couple) for a while now, and now that they're married, it makes me feel a lot younger than i actually am.

The groom actually came up to me and said "i'm an adult now, right? i did the whole "sign my life away to a woman" thing". It's nice to know that even though they've started the whole adult-hood life, they're still kinda kids. They still bring over the PS3 to my grandma's house when we want to play with it, and they still feed each other and laugh about stupid things.

maybe that's why hopeless romantics are so hopeless.

We seek this perfect idea of finding someone so amazing that everything goes right. I'm pretty sure that's not a thing that happens overnight and requires loads of time and effort to work on. And it takes more than just declaring your love on the internet to say anything

ah well.

i just cant wait to raid their house for all the "just married" gifts. :D

IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME.

best wishes,
Audrey.

#randommusings

Here's to being sappy ass idiots, and many more dick jokes, photowalks and water gun fights. <3

egghead. 

You called me beautiful yesterday. I dont actually think you noticed or whatever, or maybe i'm just being all weird and stuff. But that was really wonderful of you cuz.. well. i've been called pretty by blind people, but never beautiful. So thank you. <3

I'll see you in five days. hopefully.

- - -

Waiting for your exams to be over might be the most painful thing ever.
Listening to other couples be lovey and knowing that you arent here to do that with me might just be worse.

5 days more.
Five days left.
LETS DO THIS

Analogies.

My writcom teacher, Mr Sharpe, once said that we should always use unusual analogies. Ones that compared two things that were remotely similar, just to make the reader think. (this is also the same teacher who called me out on being late just because I was legit stuck in a jam on the way to school, then told me he was joking with me afterward)

I've spent the whole day learning, basically. Learning about rituals of other religions--what to and not to do, things that would make you look an idiot, and also how to cope with everything. (i kinda like the Buddists, they're pretty creative with like making origami- which I also learnt today, and am probably a pro at right now)

As I was folding the paper "nuggets", I started to think about analogies, and how the funeral and everything was kinda like facing a large scale break up.

I mean, look at it this way. In both scenarios, people have left us. Whether it's to move on, or pass on. You go through the same grieving stage, crying and sobbing, asking why he couldnt have just stayed and what you did wrong. And no matter how much you hate certain traits of his (in a breakup. I loved my grandad to bits hahaha), you still wish a certain part of him wanted to stay. And everyone's grieving, and you realise that everyone seems to be slightly more alright, hugging their spouses and kids. Then you realise you cant stop saying sorry and apologizing for everything, much like in a break up. You'd basically change your entire being just to hold on to that someone in a toxic relationship.

Then I realised I had folded the nuggets till my hands were sore and, just.. unfeeling. Yeah. And I remembered the last time I did that.

Valentines day.

I folded straw hearts everywhere, for him. For two weeks I basically brought a bag of blue and red straws to fold whenever I could. I remember being so damned proud of what I did. Spent my chinese new year money on you too. Took me a pretty long time to save. Im not saying that I regret doing it, but I was doing it in the hopes that it would be appreciated by the other party. Much like folding paper nuggets. It was an elephant in the room, everyone said that we were folding it for my grandad, when we were folding it in hopes that wherever he is, he'd appreciate it.

It's never easy when a person leaves. Especially if they leave out of the blue. You take forgranted that he or she's just gonna be there, waiting for you to come back. You tell yourself they'll come visit you and talk to you again. My sister had a dream that my grandad came back to her and called her. I heard voices the night before too. I'd like to think that some part of it is just us being too affected by my grandad's absence, but some part of me kinda hopes that it's him. And everyone says "i hope he comes back tonight".

I'd thought that the most pain I would ever feel in my 17 years on earth would be from that, but this is much worse.

I've heard the words "be strong" and "are you okay?" more times within the last two days than my entire rest of my life combined. (at least I think so). It's like, you still want to sob your eyes out at the sight of his brown kahkis that he would wear all the time while being shirtless around the house, or his favourite purple shirt he wore to formal occations, like birthdays and dinners. I mean, not that I dont appeeciate your concern, but he's not coming back. (much like in an ended relationship).

Also, you become really vunerable. At any mention of the person within 24 hours of the break or death, you cry. Tears just spill out. And you cant do anything to stop them. And you have to repeat the entire thing over and over, about how you didnt feel like he wanted you and you wanted to see if he chased you back or if he wanted you back... Or that you want him back with you and you cant accept that he's in a wooden box, sealed with rubber cement everywhere except the head.

And people tell you they've been through it before and that its okay, and there's no more pain, but there's something lingering inside.

But it's not all bad. Like in breakups, you learn from a family member's passing. You learn that your father is human, and he cries too. And you learn that you cant buy a beef burher back to the Buddist wake (i legit didnt know that, cuz I was never told it before.) That crying is completely okay and sometimes you really need hugs from one person, but they cant give it to you cuz they're gone. And just like in a break up, you grow from it, and you realise that you were a significant part of someone's life. (i was told today, that my birth got my grandad out of his depression)

And you learn how to help others, how to grieve and how to accept it. How to talk about it and how to ensure that you do as much as you can to let them go in peace.

I guess, in a way, we put in so much effort to grieve and make things for people who wont be there to see it. Maybe its more for ourselves.

My thoughts are becoming incoherent and random. 2.30, its kinda early in the morning.

I guess funerals really are for the living, the dead wont be there to appreciate it in the flesh, anyway.

Just a little ramble, then.
-audrey.

“等大姨回来” (wait for the eldest aunt to get back)

Clocks in hospitals tick the slowest.

Well. That seemed pretty true. For 48 hours since you came into the hospital, you fought a battle against kidney failure, pneumonia and water in the lungs.

I honestly hope none of you (ie. Whoever's reading this) has to ever see an IV bag in the hospital in the ICU at any point of time in your lives. It's painful, you know. Like to see your family member or whoever just plugged up to tubes and fighting an internal battle.

You. I shall use the royal "you" used to wake me up at 4am to get ready for school on a tuesday (school started at 9) and would call me while I was having dinner to check if I was still alive or if i'd "skipped school like you uncle, that rascal". Around the bed, everyone kept telling you to "hold on" and "等大姐回来", and you did. Well, a valiant attempt was made. Now that you're gone, well. I dont really know what to do anymore.

Sigh.

Dear reader (or future versions of me if no one reads this), I dont know about you, but watching someone slowly slip away is pretty surreal. First, their heartrate drops. And thats the first scare. You cry, you hug people, they tell you he's gonna be fine, and you get slightly okay. Then you wait. And you lose sleep, and you overthink. Next, kidneys. At this point of time, you know the end of their life is pretty much inevitable. Give and take 20 hours. Dialysis machines dont work any more, feet swell up. You try not to think about it. Family members start going into "dont let the kids hear you" even though we arent deaf, and statements or questions like "so do we start making plans?" are heard. You cry a bit more, wait a little, go down, take a walk. Not much you can do. You sit at the staircase calling your best friend and start wailing. You fool yourself into thinking miracles happen and it might just happen to you. Finally. After all the crying is done, and you think you might be okay? It happens. Yeap. Everyone bawls, the heartbeat's one straight line. And you cant do anything.

You tell your friends, cry. Tell more friends, tweet about it. They ask if you're okay, and you dont really know how to react. Because we all know that they have no idea how to make anything better or how to make you feel better at all because they cant.

And you remember 9th august as being possibly the saddest day of your life, even though its national day.

People talk about the babies born on national day, they kinda forget that people die on national day too. And yeah.

I'd like to think you got a pretty good life: 7 kids, two sons and 5 daughters, a beautiful eldest granddaughter (ie. Yours truly) and 4 other grand kids, with another on the way, a pint of beer whenever we got to head out as a family, dentures, a tortise, and your favourite sofa in the corner of the room. Geez, I have no idea how im gonna deal with not having fried egg and beansprouts just the way you did it. Hope you have a nice life up there, this world's too fucked up for you to stay any longer anyway.

There arent anymore tears I can cry right now, 阿公, I miss you so much. They always said you loved me the most. Maybe you were biased because im the eldest. I can only wish you journey mercy and hope that you protect us from above (as cliché as it sounds).

The curtain's been drawn (literally). I didnt think it would be this soon though.

Love you 阿公. Thanks for everything. <3

-audrey. (even though uou could never pronounce my name right)

"if you love me let me gooooooooo"
'never.'
<3

(copying the kappa logo like idiots)

Photography

Photography.

(wow. two posts in a week. Dont get your hopes up guys)

I've been doing this for about 2ish months now. To say I have been frustrated with it is an understatement. While i do love the art of photography, i love that i can capture things with a camera and they may or may not look good (depending on how shitty the shots are), but i dont really like the fact that what i'm learning in school limits creativity.

It's like they tell us "go out, be creative, do what you wanna do. you're young and free" but they have "but you have to make sure that when you take pictures of people at work half their faces must be seen and blah blah blah". I remember when the teacher told us to take photos of "the right place at the right time". I kinda got frustrated with that because i dont understand how you can force yourself to be in the "right place at the right time". So what? are we supposed to plan our timings such that we catch something that is completely extraordinary and like special? Kinda frustrates me.

ah well.

I guess it's kinda good. I mean like, nowadays i bring my camera wherever i go, i'm more attuned to minute details in everyday life that might go unseen by the naked eye. I've learnt to use the camera as an extension of my eye, and likewise, what i visualise. (also, i can now impress people with terms like "aperture" and "shallow depth of field" ;) bring on the photographer boys. )

But then again.

I've had some good photos, really nice ones. Ones that people think are really good. But i cant submit them because of the limit that there "has to be people inside the photo" and that "half the face must be seen" and that "where's the subject? i cant see the subject". And i get slightly jealous of people who are just naturally talented at taking photos and editing them flawlessly. Man, i really wish i could do that.

And i dont know why i torture myself by looking at really good photos and trying my best to make mediocre copies of their pictures, but it's oddly... satisfying? i think something's screwed with my brain HAHAH

Maybe i might continue photography after this sem ends, as a hobby. But knowing cameron (my camera), he'll need a new friend who can help me. Poor cameron's shutter is so slow, and yet so loud. But we'll see. I've used him to "spray and pray", something i've been told countless times NOT to do, but i stil do anyway. :S Also, turning off my camera. i dont do that very often, and cameron still runs out of battery when i dont use him. (according to jemjem, my battery gets "tired and needs sleep" oh jem. )

basically my relationship with the BA students.
(Syairah and Clyde. i love you guys. BOTH OF YOU. )

Jemjem.

I've realised i have a weird liking to photos that dont have much in them. Like not much visual element. For example, i think a photo with no depth of field can sometimes be really nice.. but it seems like not many people agree with me, do they? (Well, Mr siew obviously doesnt. )

I wonder what people think when they see a student just taking pictures of them just going about their daily lives. Do they get weirded out? i know some get angry: i got told off by a french lady for a picture i hadn't even taken yet. But do others get hopeful? like do they get pleasantly surprised? that some teenage weirdo girl has taken to taking pictures of them for her assignment? Maybe i'm putting too much thought into this.

I'll be picking my top 10 pictures soon, when i can get my pictures into hazel grace (my laptop) first. The poor thing's SD card reader isnt working, i need to get her fixed :( im sorry i havent been taking good care of you, baby. :(

We'll see if his perception of photography is the same as mine, and if not, i guess i'll have to conform to it for a while just for my GPA. but i hope that doesnt take away the fun in photography ( and naming pictures "fishy business" ;) )

not me, but yeah.
(give them rim lighting. bitches love rim lighting)

somewhere trying to not drop the GPA-AYYY
-Audrey.

An open letter to june 2014.

I'll miss you june, 2014.

Hello June, 

Currently, i'm still in you. (That's what he said) The only reason why i'm actually here right now is because past Audrey is an idiot and decided to fall asleep after getting into a food coma in the evening. So now, she cant sleep. Thus, she has decided to finally update her blog almost after 2 months of inactivity.

(okay, i'm gonna stop with the third person here.)

Mostly because i've been lazy being all "occupied" and stuff, and like school and all that, i havent been able to find the time to update this little cubby of sorts. Which sucks, because i kinda miss writing. But lately i havent been feeling the "feel" to be all emotional and stuff. So free writing it is then.

As all recap blog posts should start, (as well as good essays, i might add) we should go in chronological order, but screw it, im not really in the mood for that right now HAHAH.

Anyway. June, you've given me infinity within a limited number of days, and for that i am grateful. ;)
(i have like loads of pictures, june. because of like photography and stuff)

This is bobby.
we found him while playing at the playground.
(bobby is adorable.)

6th- 7th June. - Silver Tribute

June, first, you gave me The silver tribute, the dance concert i performed in earlier in the month.

No, i'm not some sort of like hip hop kid or like some sort of pro-dancer like my classmate Bernice is, but i do ballet. (i'd like to add that i'm pretty proud of having done it for 10 years). To be honest, i've never really felt comfortable about like telling people i danced, (sidenote: i used to tell people i'd already quit for a few years, when i was actually wayyyy too embarrassed to tell them the truth. sorry guys. please dont hate me hahaha) But i guess new school, new life. Right?

Anyway, you showered me with friends from all over the place, from the classes before us, the classes after, and i was able to meet so many people within the few months that we were together. We would eat together, get scolded together, all that jazz. Man, as sucky as the choreo was, i wish i could relive it all over again.

I dont know if you know this, june, but those guys were amazing. We used to stay back and take pictures after class and all that, pretending we were like super amazing flexible people and all that. Also, they helped me out with my photography assignment, which was really nice of them. <3

Christy being all pretty.
(She's younger than us but so damned beautiful.)
<3

I actually have no idea who this is,
but I really like how this one turned out :D

kyrene, the sotong who was always a joy to have around.
I'll miss you darling, i cant wait to see you again

Lauren, Emily, Sophia and Huishan.
Guys, yall are so awesome.
 Emily, last long with your guy, be a bit more adventurous yeah? ;)
And huishan, stop being so blur. I know i bullied you a lot, but i still love you. HAHAH
Sophia, i hope germany wins the world cup, then i can celebrate with you ;)
And Lauren, you adorable kid. I miss you so much.
<3

Jaime, Christy, Wanlin and Denise.
Yall are super talented. period.
Lots of love. :D

We danced our hearts out, and even though it could have been better, we had so much fun together and i would love love love to do it all over again. <3

9th/12th june - Burning RED

Next, you brought me Taylor. 

June, i didnt even think you could top yourself after the concert. I'd never felt so proud of anything before that. We worked out butts off for that concert, so to top that, would be a pretty big thing. However, you decided to be just really good to me and brought us not one, but two concerts. 

Kerissa and I, burning red hot. ;)
(We worked so hard on that poster. people remembered us by it.)

Talk about right place at the right time. :D

WHAT. I MET CAITLIN.
WHAT.
WHAT IS THIS LIFE.

That night, we got to go into the pits. THE PITS. we didnt even have tickets for that day. And our tickets for the 12th weren't the best, so we were just banking on camping out and showing support. And look what happened. Crazy. 

PIT PASSES!!!!!!
(Thank you Brian, we are forever indebted to you.)

We spent the night screaming until our voices gave way, then sitting outside and repeating "we're the lucky ones" over and over again. It was so surreal. The funny thing, was that we re just talking about what we would do if we actually got passes in just before that. 

We sat on the steps just outside the stadium, singing "i'd lie" to the top of our lungs, screaming "PRAY FOR A MIRACLE" over and over. I still cant believe it happened. Even now. I have no idea what we did right in like our past lives or whatever that gave us this. I just, I cant. 

This. is how close we were.
(no zoom needed)

JUST LOOK AT THAT

Hearing the entire setlist for the first time after all the other countries was just so amazing. Zomg, i remember getting to my knees as she played "Teardrops on My Guitar". That was one of the first songs we listened to, for most of us. Since that was when she started to gain fame. For her to play such a song in like Singapore and all that... that was just amazing. I swear the stars aligned that night. 

Then came the 12th. 

We had tickets for this show, but we were dying to meet Taylor face to face. 

So we took it up a notch. 

lightsticks, matching outfits, led signs.. It was go big or go home. 

I met paul, guitarist, and generally awesome person.
(my gosh i look so weird. BUT STILL)

KIMBERELYYYYY <3

Cheryl and Kimberely met the dancers too!!
(They were all so nice. i cant. Miss you guys already)

We met Jamie and her friend, AND WE GOT MATCHING OUTFITS :D

Also, Cheryl Miles.
(Funny story, this one. I'd seen her talking with someone else, as i was walking around, just pigging out and eating the pack of dorritos. So, i approached her and asked, "hi, are you Cheryl Miles?" partially because i saw her name on the envelope she was holding, and partially cuz i thought she was just really cool. Her voice is amazing.

so anyway. She said "oh yeah, i am hahah" And i offered her dorritos.
And that's how i got on the radio, and gave a major deejay lightly seasoned chips. )

And it was all because a certain boy decided to come down to visit me. <3 Thanks for the dorritos. i should probably pay you back for all the food you've bought me.

So that night, we had to go our separate ways, with Cheryl, Kimberely and Kerissa seated together, and Sheila and I seated in another section. The three of them had gotten cat 1 seats so they had to go in from a different entrance. Sheila and I were in cat 2. So we divided the posters we had, they took two LED boards and the "long live queen slaylor" banner. Sheila, her sister, and I took one LED board and the "fearless since 2008" banner. 

As the concert started, we sang our lungs out, even for the opening act. 

Then it happened. 

We were asked if we wanted to go down to the main area where the first row was. BLOODY HECK WE WENT.

I had the best time of my life. I danced with the support singers, screamed with the fans, cried my eyes out at all too well, got dehydrated, went crazy. And as Taylor came down from the B stage, she took a detour and decided to come by our side of the stage. And so we touched her. 

WE TOUCHED HER. 

I touched her hand. what? And i may have popped a bone- hers i mean. I kinda didnt want to let go, I would say muscle spasm, but then again. IT'S TAYLOR SWIFT. 

Again, june. You gave me something to remember for the rest of my life and until she comes again, i shall suffer with post RED tour depression. 

thank you guys for the best time ever. 

kimmy and Cheryl with our LED poster.
It was go big or go home. <13

Then it was up north we went. Literally the very next day, within 10 hours of touching Taylor, i was cooped up in a car for 4 hours, juggling between sleeping, eating and watching the scenery pass by. Basically, my dad felt that a four hour journey up to malacca would be good. so we went. 

June, you made me realise how much i love sunsets and silhouettes, and my new found love for telephone poles along the highway. I'm not much of a photographer, but i love it when the sun hits the sky in just the right way, such that the colours are so pretty. 

telephone wire pole things.

sadly i cant submit this because it has like no visible people in it.
:/

But yeah. i like telephone poles at 6.45 on the highway in june. I love that they connect people, but they look like the loneliest things on earth, because they're so tall, they cant be around the people they're helping to connect. Maybe i'm just being some sappy ass, trying to connect objects that dont really have a meaning to some principle of life thing. 

light paintings and long exposure. <3

But yeah. World, you are beautiful. Such a pity that people dont really like see stuff. beautiful stuff. Like the way someone's hair looks all messed up or like their smile when they're being cheeky. or like the light in their eyes. (except for issac, from TFiOS, it's all dark to him now;) )

June, you have been wonderful to me, and i have loads more to thank you for, but i'm kinda lazy to put it all down. So i'll leave them in a series of pictures and hope that they show how grateful i am to have been in you this year. <3

The first song i heard this year was "everything has changed", and everything has definitely changed. For better or worse, i dont think i would have it any other way ;)

thank you guys for a wonderful june. <3

Best wishes.
- Audrey.